What good is driving bringing to their lives?
They may truly love the independence of driving. And that's not something you can easily replace. Would they like riding as a passenger? Or getting an ebike? This freedom is hard to replace.
Is their car getting them to doctor appointments? That transportation must continue, but the great thing is that those appointments are predictable and easy to support. You may want to go along to some medical visits, as mentioned in the Appointments section. They may be able to take a taxi. Or, if their driving is no longer safe due to their health, you'll want to find a friend or paid help to accompany them and ensure they make it to the right office.
Groceries are the easiest to replace, as grocery delivery is now very good. Instacart is my go-to, but other options are also strong and can extend to a variety of stores beyond just the standard grocer. The biggest problem you'll run into with this is the use of technology, so you may find yourself as the user interface between your parents and these apps. Re-orders are easier than the first time, making it possible for you to hand the task back to your parents after you get it started.
Errands and social outings are worth considering beyond just the transportation loss. Assigning a cost to each trip might be just enough of an obstacle to cancel it. These activities do well to be assigned as part of a routine, rather than scheduling separately. This might look like having a companion come over on a recurring schedule to take your parents out. The content of the outings may vary but the routine of leaving the house for a few hours stays the same.
Driving safely, and knowing when to adjust
Many people drive safely well into later life, adjusting the difficulty of their routes to match their capabilities. I smile when I see a slow-driving senior, thinking "they know their limits." Your parents may have great vision, alertness, and reaction time. Or, they may have new dents, complaints about how rude other drivers are, and increasingly long times to reach familiar destinations. If you suspect their driving isn't safe, give some thought on how to approach the conversation. If they aren't safe to drive, you have many options with varying ethical considerations:
- Talk to your parent directly about their confidence in driving safely, and how they want you involved.
- Enlist their doctor for help to identify and communicate medical reasons they should not drive, either directly to your parent or to the government that issued their license.
- Report them to the government as an unsafe driver, an option that may be available anonymously.
- Remove their access to a working vehicle if they cannot make good decisions on their own about driving.
The final option is ethical in a situation where the person is not approved by their doctor or the government to drive but they don't remember or comply. It should not be done to a competent driver, both due to ethics and legality.
Alternatives to driving
Stopping or reducing driving doesn't have to mean isolation. Options include:
- Rides from individuals including family, friends, or paid drivers with a direct relationship.
- Ride-hailing and taxis including community volunteers.
- Public transit and ADA paratransit regular routes plus options for people who can't use regular buses or trains.
- Delivery and pickup services for groceries as well as laundry, pet car, and other services.
- Self-driving vehicles may have enough safety features to buy your parents a little more time in the driver's seat.
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Build a transportation plan.