Their tastes, texture preferences, and meal timing have changed
Did you know that food tastes different during airplane flights? And when you have a cold? Older adults experience food differently, too, for much of the same reasons of decreased smell and taste. They may lose interest in flavors they previously enjoyed either due to natural aging or because of medications or other body changes. These changes are likely to last, so it's worth checking in to see what tastes good now. It'll probably taste good next month, too, in case you want to stock up on it. (Tip: stock up on it. You'll be removing variety and some raw ingredients from their pantry and will likely have room for their favorite non-perishables.)
Along with their changing tastes, they may have texture and eating pattern changes. A toothache or trouble swallowing and breathing may push them toward softer foods. Needing to take medications with or without food, or sleeping at different times of day may have them snacking or eating smaller meals. They might also have trouble with fine motor skills that make soup harder and finger food more appealing. All of these are useful to know when you're looking for trends in what they will eat. You may find that the food changes are clues to some other solvable problem.
If all they want to eat is chocolate milk and pretzels, start with that. Keep it stocked. Offer chocolate Ensure and Nutella pretzel snack packs.
They aren't as hungry
Did you "carb load" with a big pasta dinner the night before a high school sports event? This is a concept your parents may remember. They do not need to eat like Tour de France riders (who love gummy bears, by the way, because they give energy and happiness while being very easy on the stomach). They do need to nourish their bodies. It's a vicious cycle that when you aren't moving much, you aren't hungry, and then you don't eat, and then you don't have energy to move. If your parents are losing weight and energy, try to coax them with food that tastes good, even if they're not hungry.
What's the problem with being skinny?
A primary care doctor once told me that older adults need to carry some extra weight (management reserve) to give themselves buffer space between daily living and hospitalization. He explained that a cold or flu could cause a person to drop 5 or 10 pounds, and that could lead to hospitalization if they are too skinny.
Even without a cold or flu, daily living suffers when a person isn't adequately fed. The body cannot survive without regular food and water, and eating too little is hard on the muscles, brain, and immune system.
It's also possible they're losing weight on purpose, in an attempt to change their body's shape. This should be done only under a doctor's supervision. If their goal is truly to get physically healthier, they should not object to involving a doctor. If they are eating in secret, focusing on the ability to fit into their old clothes, or defining "healthy eating" in a weird way, their motivation may be psychological rather than physical. Eating disorders are common in the elderly. If you have concerns about this for your parents, you'll want to engage psychiatric help rather than trying to argue using logic or nutritional facts. Along with that, ensure they feel in control of aspects of their lives other than food.
They’re always hungry
Your parents may have the opposite problem, of putting on extra weight as their lives slow down. Keeping with the athlete comparison, it can be hard for someone to figure out how much and what to eat as their life slows down and they’re burning fewer calories. Food may be one of the most comforting parts of their lives, and medical conditions may contribute to their craving sweets.
What’s the problem with being overweight?
When an overweight person goes to the doctor, it is hard for the provider to see past their weight to diagnose and treat their remaining medical problems. Losing weight - particularly belly fat - can help your parents reduce their risks of cardiovascular disease and diabetes. Their doctors are likely to be talking with them about this, so your focus shouldn’t be on diagnosis but rather on helping resolve the problems.
Meal support options
Your parents may want to eat well but not have the executive functioning, fine motor skills, or energy to make it happen. You can help them by stocking their pantry with easy food they like, even if it wouldn't be your first choice. There are great frozen meals available in the grocery store. Other great options:
- Prepared meals sold directly at grocery stores or warehouse clubs. If you have the fridge and freezer space, you can get several large meals and portion them into smaller servings, then freeze the extras. Instacart can deliver from the warehouse clubs even if you don't have memberships, letting you rotate between them for variety.
- Grocery delivery reduces the strain of shopping and brings wide variety while leaving cooking to your parents.
- Meal kits require no shopping or decision-making but your parents still cook at home.
- Home-delivered meals available through Meals on Wheels or a purchased heat-and-eat option that delivers refrigerated or frozen single-serving meals.
- Congregate meals at senior centers combine a meal with social connection.
- Family or hired help for shopping and batch-cooking simple meals. Your parents may have a neighbor who is happy to earn extra money by bringing over extra meals for your parents.
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Next step
Review meal-support options.