Health
If you get the chance to join your parent at their medical appointment, do it! They do this all the time without you, so resist most urges to talk. Take some time to prepare the information you want to give and receive, while respecting their preferences. Your primary goal is to figure out the current status of things, with a secondary goal of passing forward information to their providers.
A practical path forward
Get agreement from your parent for you to join them at a medical appointment.
Bring questions that affect your parent's actions, putting the most important topics first.
Have an up-to-date list of all medications and doses.
Listening is your primary role at your parent's medical appointments. Observe the interactions to get an idea of what would have happened if you weren't there. Chime in after giving your parent a chance to answer questions or to clarify if they are not fully answering the provider's questions. Take notes, particularly about the next steps and when to take them.
Most visits end with a list of actions, including scheduling a follow-up appointment. Suggest taking photos of any information you are given at the visit, including an appointment card for when you return. Enter the appointment into the appropriate calendar and offer to set a calendar notice to do the other assigned steps. Check in with your parent on whether they want to take those actions or if they want you to do them. Also ask for reasons they might not complete the actions. Medications have a bad aftertaste? Imaging too expensive? Don't like the specialist? Choose your battles, but you might be able to increase compliance and learn more about their daily life with these conversations.
If you have concerns you’d like to raise with your parents’ doctors, particularly about dementia, you may not want to talk about them in front of your parents. You can call or write a note. The medical staff may not have authority to talk with you privately, but they are allowed to receive information from you. Whether before, during, or after a visit, you can send them messages. Unless you’re speaking directly to the provider, written is best so that it can be passed along in your exact words.
If your parents are open to it, ask them about allowing their doctors to share their medical information with you. In my experience, each medical office will want their own copy of that permission, possibly on their own forms. When I accompany my parents to medical appointments, I stop by the front desk and ask if they have relevant paperwork for us to fill out for this purpose.
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This page is general information, not medical advice. Your health care team can advise on your specific situation; in an emergency, call 911 rather than waiting for an appointment.